Osho Jokes

Osho Jokes – Come On, Osho, Be a Sport and Tell us that juicy Joke!

Question – Come On, Osho, Be a Sport and Tell us that juicy Joke!

Osho – Okay, Maneesha!

ONE day, while studying the alphabet, the teacher looked at her second grade class and said, “Who can tell me a word that starts with the letter A?”

All the children raised their hands, but teacher wouldn’t call on Johnny Badmouth because she knew he’d say ‘asshole’ or some other bad word. Instead she called on Billy.

“Apple.”

“Very good,” replied teacher, “and who can tell me a word that starts with the letter B?”

Many children raised their hands, but she refused to call on Johnny Badmouth because she knew he’d say ‘bastard’ or some other dirty word. She called on Mary.

“Boat.”

“Very good.”

And so on through the entire alphabet, each time ignoring Johnny Badmouth. “And who can tell me a word that starts with the letter R?” The children raised their hands. The teacher racked her brains, but couldn’t think of a single dirty word that started with the letter R, and decided to call on Johnny.

“Rats,” said Johnny, and raised his hands to demonstrate. “BIG FUCKING RATS!”

Source – from Osho Book “The Guest”

Osho Jokes on Jesus Christ

Question – OSHO, PLEASE TELL US FEW JOKES ABOUT JESUS CHRIST WHICH ARE ONLY RECORDED IN THE AKASHIC RECORDS.

Osho – Masta,

Okay.

It is a little known fact that Jesus Christ was nearly called Manny shortly after his birth. Just before he was, however, someone walking past the stable peeked a look inside to see what was going on. Hitting his toe on a sharp stone he cried out, “Jesus!”
“oh, that’s a good name,” said Mary. “We will call him that.”

Jesus walks into a hotel, throws some nails onto the counter and says, “Can you put me up for the night?”

Jesus was resting on the shores of Lake Galilee. A group of children nearby were laughing, throwing water at him and making a lot of noise.
Peter, annoyed, shouted at them, but Jesus stopped him and said, “Let the children come to me…”
The noise, the throwing of water, etcetera, continued even more than before. Finally, Peter, tired and very annoyed, tried to shove them away, but again Jesus stopped him and said, “Peter, I told you to let the children come close to me — so that I can kick them in the ass!”

Osho Jokes

Monsieur Foucard was visiting London for the first time. While walking about he felt nature calling and looked around for a public latrine like those in Paris. He could not find one and, in desperation, stepped into a dark building entrance. Immediately a bobby tapped him from behind, “You can’t do that here, you know!”
Later he tried to go behind a tree, but another bobby stopped him. In a few minutes he was, again prevented by a policeman. Finally he noticed a shingle: “Dr. Dingley, Urologist”. Dashing into the office, Foucard said, “Doctor, I cannot — how you say? — relieve myself.”
The doctor handed him a bottle and told him to step behind the screen. In a few seconds the Frenchman cried, “Doctor, another container, s’il vous plait!”
The doctor handed him one, and in a few minutes had to repeat the process. When the now happy Frenchman stepped out, the doctor asked, “My good man, who told you that you could not relieve yourself?”
“Ze entire London Police Department!”

Osho Jokes – A big, mangy dog was threatening a mother cat

Osho – A big, mangy dog was threatening a mother cat and her kittens. He had backed them into the corner of a barn, when suddenly the cat reared back on her hind legs and started barking and growling loudly. Startled and confused, the dog turned and ran from the barn, its tail tucked between its legs. Turning to her kittens, the mother cat lifted a paw and told them, “Now do you see the advantage of being bilingual?”