Osho Mulla Nasrudin Jokes

Osho Jokes – Mulla Nasrudin Intelligence

Osho – I asked Mulla Nasruddin, “Nasruddin, I hear you just had an accident?”
He said, “Yes, it was pretty bad, but I collected twenty thousand rupees, and my wife who was in the accident with me, got five thousand rupees.”
I asked him, “Did she get hurt?”
Nasruddin laughed and said, “No, but I had the presence of mind to kick her in the face during the confusion!”

Osho Mulla Nasruddin Joke – Mulla Nasruddin and his Son

Osho – Mulla Nasruddin’s son came home late from school. The Mulla grabbed him and gave him a beating, saying, “Let this be a lesson to you not to come home late!”
The next day the boy came home with his clothes dirty from playing. The Mulla gave him a good smacking, saying, “Let this be a lesson to you not to dirty your clothes!”
The following day the boy came home with bad grades. The Mulla beat him again, saying, “Let this be a lesson to you not to get bad grades!”
The fourth day, as soon as the son came home, the Mulla just grabbed him and beat him.
“What is the matter, father?” asked the boy, crying. “Today I came on time, with clean clothes, and with good grades!”
“Let this be a lesson to you,” said Mulla Nasruddin. “There is no justice in the world!”

”You have got to have more recreation and relaxation,” said Mulla Nasrudin to the overworked friend.
”But I am too busy,” said the friend.
”THAT’S SILLY,” replied Nasrudin. ”ANTS HAVE THE GREATEST REPUTATION FOR BEING BUSY ALL THE TIME, YET THEY NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO ATTEND A PICNIC.”
Mulla Nasrudin was visited by a boyhood friend whom he had not seen for years. The man told him a long story of misfortune: bankruptcy, death of wife and children, personal illness. He ended by asking for a loan.
The Mulla called his son and a big, athletic-type walked in. ”TOMMY,” said Nasrudin, ”THROW THIS POOR FELLOW DOWNSTAIRS; HE IS BREAKING MY HEART.”
Mulla Nasrudin had just returned a sheaf of poems to the budding young poet.
”Do you think it would help if I put more fire into my poetry, Sir?” the young man asked Nasrudin.
”NO,” said the Mulla. ”I WOULD RECOMMEND THE REVERSE.”
Mulla Nasrudin finally bought a parrot at an auction after some rather spirited bidding.
”I assume the bird talks,” he said to the auctioneer.
”TALKS?” the auctioneer said. ”WHO DO YOU THINK HAS BEEN BIDDING AGAINST YOU FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR?”
Mulla Nasrudin’s son, studying political science, asked his father, ”Dad, what’s a traitor in politics?”
”Any man who leaves our party,” said the Mulla, ”and goes over to the other one is a traitor.”
”Well, what about a man who leaves his party and comes over to your’s?” asked the young man. ”HE’D BE A CONVERT, SON,” said Nasrudin, ”A REAL CONVERT.”

Osho Mulla Nasrudin Jokes, Mulla Nasrudin Jokes

Mulla Nasrudin was saying to me, ‘Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener.’
One day Mulla Nasrudin was catching flies. He caught a few, and he told his wife, ‘I have found two female flies and two male flies.’
The woman said, ‘This is surprising. How could you discover the sex of the flies?’
He said, ‘Two were sitting on the mirror and two were reading the newspaper!’
Mulla Nasrudin was saying to me one day that he never quarrels with his wife. I asked him, ‘How do you manage it? It is almost impossible, or next to impossible.’
He said, ‘We have managed it perfectly well for many years. On the first night we decided a single principle, and we have followed it. And the principle is: she decides about small things and I decide about big things.’
I asked, ‘What do you mean by small things and big things?’ He said, ‘For example, what car to purchase, what house to live in, what school the children have to be sent to, what food has to be eaten, what clothes have to be purchased — all these small things she decides.’ And I said, ‘What do you decide?’

He said, ‘Whether God exists or not, whether there is a hell and heaven or not. All the great problems — that is for me. And the principle has worked out perfectly well. She never interferes in the great things, I never interfere in the small things. I am master of my own world, she is master of her own world. We never overlap.’
Mulla Nasruddin was sitting, very sad, in front of his house. A neighbor asked, “Mulla, why are you looking so sad?”
And Mulla said, “Look! Fifteen days ago my uncle died and he left me fifty thousand rupees.”
The neighbor said, “But this is no reason to be sad! You should be happy.”
Mulla said, “First you listen to the whole story. And seven days ago my other uncle died and left me seven thousand rupees. And now, nothing…. Nobody is dying, nothing is happening. The week is passing by, and I am really sad.”
Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor, told him to check him and said, “Please, tell me in plain language. I don’t want any of the abracadabra of medical science. You simply tell me plainly what the problem is with me. Don’t use big names in Latin and Greek. Simply say in plain language what exactly is the matter with me.”
The doctor checked and he said, “If you want to know exactly, in plain language — there is nothing wrong with you, you are simply lazy.”
He said, “Good. Thank you. Now give it a fancy name to tell my wife. And the bigger the name, the better. Make it as difficult as you can.”

Mulla Nasrudin Jokes : Osho Mulla Nasrudin Jokes

Osho Mulla Nasrudin Jokes :

An architect was having a difficult time with Mulla Nasrudin, a prospective home-builder. “But can’t you give some idea,” he pleaded, “of the general type of house you want to build, Nasrudin?”
“Well,” replied the Mulla hesitantly, “all I know is: it must go with an antique doorknob my wife bought the other day.”
As a pretty girl passed by, Mulla Nasrudin turned to look. His wife said with a pout, “Every time you see a pretty girl you forget you are married.”
“That’s where you are wrong,” said the Mulla. “Nothing makes me more aware of the fact!”
Mulla Nasrudin’s daughter came home and she said she was pregnant and the richest man of the town was the father of the unborn child. Mulla Nasrudin was, of course, mad. He rushed with his gun towards the rich man’s house; he forced the rich man into a corner and said, “Now you can breathe your last, or if you have any prayer to say to God, say it!”
The rich man smiled and he said, “Listen, before you do anything neurotic. Yes, I know your daughter is pregnant by me — but if a boy is born I have kept one lakh rupees in the bank for the boy. If a daughter is born I have kept fifty thousand rupees in the bank for the daughter.”
Mulla took his gun away and said, “Sir, if something goes wrong, if there is a miscarriage or something, are you ready to give her another chance?”
Mulla Nasrudin was fishing off a pier when he lost his balance and fell in.
“Help! Help!” Mrs Nasrudin started shouting. “My husband is drowning. Help! Help!”
Luckily, her cries were heard by two husky young men in the vicinity, and they dove into the water and pulled poor Nasrudin out. As he lay on the pier drying out, Mrs Nasrudin leaned over him and whispered, “They saved you from drowning, man. Shouldn’t we give them a rupee?”
Mulla opened one eye and whispered back, “I was only half-drowned. Half a rupee will do.”
A habitual drunk staggered up to the front door of a home late one night, and kept rapping loudly until a lady in pyjamas came to answer.
“Par’n me, ma’am,” he lushes, “this is an emergency. Can you tell me where Mulla Nasrudin lives?”
“Why,” she exclaimed, “you are Mulla Nasrudin yourself!”
“I know, I know,” he replied, “but that still doesn’t answer the question — where does he live?”
Mulla Nasrudin listened very attentively while a stranger told a long story in the coffee-house. But the man spoke so indistinctly and muffed his punchline so badly that the story was not funny at all, and except for the Mulla no one laughed. But the Mulla laughed heartily.
“Why did you laugh, Nasrudin?” I asked him afterwards when the stranger had left.
“I always do,” replied Nasrudin. “If you don’t laugh, there is always the danger of their telling it over again.”
Mulla Nasrudin was talking to a woman and saying great things, was getting very romantic. He was saying, “Your eyes — never, never have they happened before. And your face — it is just like the moon. And the glow that surrounds you, and the vibe that you create — it is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened.” And he went on and on.
And, of course, as women are very practical, the woman asked, “Are you going to marry me, Nasrudin?”
Nasrudin said, “Please, don’t change the subject!”
Mulla Nasrudin lay on his deathbed for months, while flocks of relatives gathered like vultures waiting for the kill. At last the dear old man went to his peaceful reward and the lawyers announced the date of the reading of his will.
All the relatives assembled on the appointed day. The lawyer tore open the envelope, drew out a piece of paper and read:
“Being of sound mind, I spent every dime before I died.”
The old Mulla Nasrudin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.
The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasrudin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, “What is this! Where are the pockets?”
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Mulla Nasrudin Jokes – Osho Nasrudin jokes

Osho Mulla Nasrudin Jokes :

I have heard that one day Mulla Nasruddin came into the restaurant and declared, “My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Everybody was shocked, everybody knew his wife… he himself knew it. People gathered around him and said, “Mulla, have you had a revelation? Who told you? Has she been chosen Miss Universe? What has happened that you have to declare?”
He said, “She has not been chosen, she has told me herself. I am a faithful servant. Whatever she says I believe it. She said that she is the most beautiful woman, and I said, perfectly right; I will go and tell my friends.
It happened to Mulla Nasruddin….
He used to sleep with all the windows open — according to my advice — all the doors open…. And naturally, a thief entered, and he collected everything in the house.
Mulla was sleeping on a blanket. Seeing that the man had collected everything, he threw his blanket also on his pile. The thief was surprised. He said, “I thought you were asleep.”
Mulla said, “I was pretending.”
“You are a strange man — I am a thief.”
He said, “No worry. You can take everything away — I am coming with you. Because what does it matter in which house we live? I will live with you. And I have found a servant. I was looking for a servant, and it is so difficult nowadays to find a servant. You have come on your own. Now where is your house?”
What can people take away? Death is going to take it away at any moment. You have come into the world empty-handed, and you will go from the world empty-handed, so it does not matter. Between these two… What you have in your hands does not matter. What matters is that you lost trust, which is an immense treasure of your being.
By trusting everybody you can lose a few things. They may steal your money, but if you can continue to trust even those… trust is a great treasure. Trusting people who can cheat you, who are going to cheat you, is real trust.
Mulla Nasrudin was leaving his office at his usual quitting hour, three-thirty, when he noticed a truck-driver at the curb struggling unsuccessfully with a heavy case of books.
“I will give you a hand,” volunteered the Mulla. The two seized the opposite ends of the case and huffed and puffed several moments, to no avail.
“I am afraid it is hopeless,”gasped Nasrudin. “We will never get it on the truck.”
“On?” screamed the driver. “I am trying to get if off!”
Mulla Nasrudin was in love with a woman. One full-moon night, sitting on the beach, he told the woman, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Never has there been any woman so beautiful, never will there be ever.”
The woman was thrilled. Her ego swelled up. And Mulla looked at her — she was a transformed being, and Mulla said “Sorry, excuse me. But let me remind you of one thing: this thing I have been telling to many women before, and I cannot promise you that I will not say it to other women again. You are not the only one I am saying this to — this I say to every woman. This has been my usual practice.”
I have heard about Mulla Nasrudin, who became an atheist in his old age. One day he was trying to convert somebody to his atheism, and was very loud. Finally he said, “There is no God — and Mohammed is his only prophet.”
I was staying at Mulla Nasrudin’s house once. The wife was saying very nasty things about Mulla Nasrudin, very angry, rude, aggressive, just on the verge of exploding, very violent. And Mulla Nasrudin was just sitting silently and listening. Then suddenly she turned towards him and said: So again, you are arguing with me! Mulla said: But I have not even said a single word. The wife said: That I know — but you are listening very aggressively.
Once, Mulla Nasrudin was put in a mental hospital, he had to be. But just after a few minutes, he pushed the call-bell. The nurse rushed in and she asked: What is the matter? Nasrudin said: You people, why have you put me in this room with this nut? — there was another person there — Why have you put me here with this nut? The nurse said: The hospital is crowded and it is difficult to find a single bedroom for you.

And we know that he is a nut, but is he annoying you in any way? Nasrudin said: Yes, it is impossible for me to be here with him, he is annoying me. He goes on looking all around and saying: There are no lions here, no scorpions, no snakes, no tigers, no crocodiles; no, nothing is here. He goes on saying this and it annoys me. As you can plainly see, the room is full of them.

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