Osho – I asked Mulla Nasruddin, “Nasruddin, I hear you just had an accident?”
He said, “Yes, it was pretty bad, but I collected twenty thousand rupees, and my wife who was in the accident with me, got five thousand rupees.”
I asked him, “Did she get hurt?”
Nasruddin laughed and said, “No, but I had the presence of mind to kick her in the face during the confusion!”

Osho – Mulla Nasruddin’s son came home late from school. The Mulla grabbed him and gave him a beating, saying, “Let this be a lesson to you not to come home late!”
The next day the boy came home with his clothes dirty from playing. The Mulla gave him a good smacking, saying, “Let this be a lesson to you not to dirty your clothes!”
The following day the boy came home with bad grades. The Mulla beat him again, saying, “Let this be a lesson to you not to get bad grades!”
The fourth day, as soon as the son came home, the Mulla just grabbed him and beat him.
“What is the matter, father?” asked the boy, crying. “Today I came on time, with clean clothes, and with good grades!”
“Let this be a lesson to you,” said Mulla Nasruddin. “There is no justice in the world!”

1. Mulla Nasrudin was saying to me, ‘Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener.’

2. One day Mulla Nasrudin was catching flies. He caught a few, and he told his wife, ‘I have found two female flies and two male flies.’
   The woman said, ‘This is surprising. How could you discover the sex of the flies?’
   He said, ‘Two were sitting on the mirror and two were reading the newspaper!’
3. Mulla Nasrudin was saying to me one day that he never quarrels with his wife. I asked him, ‘How do you manage it? It is almost impossible, or next to impossible.’
   He said, ‘We have managed it perfectly well for many years. On the first night we decided a single principle, and we have followed it. And the principle is: she decides about small things and I decide about big things.’

   I asked, ‘What do you mean by small things and big things?’ He said, ‘For example, what car to purchase, what house to live in, what school the children have to be sent to, what food has to be eaten, what clothes have to be purchased — all these small things she decides.’ And I said, ‘What do you decide?’

   He said, ‘Whether God exists or not, whether there is a hell and heaven or not. All the great problems — that is for me. And the principle has worked out perfectly well. She never interferes in the great things, I never interfere in the small things. I am master of my own world, she is master of her own world. We never overlap.’

4. Mulla Nasruddin was sitting, very sad, in front of his house. A neighbor asked, “Mulla, why are you looking so sad?”
   And Mulla said, “Look! Fifteen days ago my uncle died and he left me fifty thousand rupees.”
   The neighbor said, “But this is no reason to be sad! You should be happy.”
   Mulla said, “First you listen to the whole story. And seven days ago my other uncle died and left me seven thousand rupees. And now, nothing…. Nobody is dying, nothing is happening. The week is passing by, and I am really sad.”
5. Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor, told him to check him and said, “Please, tell me in plain language. I don’t want any of the abracadabra of medical science. You simply tell me plainly what the problem is with me. Don’t use big names in Latin and Greek. Simply say in plain language what exactly is the matter with me.”
   The doctor checked and he said, “If you want to know exactly, in plain language — there is nothing wrong with you, you are simply lazy.”
   He said, “Good. Thank you. Now give it a fancy name to tell my wife. And the bigger the name, the better. Make it as difficult as you can.”