[A visitor says she has been with her husband for fifteen years and has just discovered she doesn’t love him, but there are three children – what to do?]
Osho – Anger is relevant when you are in love, anger is allowed when you are in love – you can afford anger, anger is part of love. Once you understand that you are no more in love, then remember, anger is futile, to be angry with him is just meaningless. If he is getting your love, then it is okay – anger comes in the same package; you can be angry with him. But when love has disappeared and you find that there is no love any more, then there is no anger. This has to be understood, otherwise what happens is that love disappears and anger continues.
If you are angry then he will continue to be negative – his negativity is just a reaction. Drop anger – because nothing can be done from his side, something can be done from your side. Drop negativity; start thinking in terms of your just living together with no love. There is no need even to say that. Then whatsoever he is doing, feel thankful for, because you are not in love.
When you are in love you need not thank, you need not feel thankful – it is your due. When you are not in love, then naturally, if some stranger comes and helps you to bring up your children, you will feel tremendously grateful. If some stranger comes and helps you in any way, you will feel grateful. Now this man is a stranger – the bridge that used to be is no more there… or maybe it was never there. But that is not the point, now this man is a stranger.
Don’t go on thinking in terms of him being your husband, because when love is not there how can he be your husband and how can you be his wife? Once this is understood – that love has disappeared – he is a stranger and whatsoever he is doing for you, for your children, you have to be grateful for; he is not obliged to do it. In fact that’s why you are staying with him – for the children’s sake. Mm? when you are staying with him for the children’s sake, that simply shows that now his only utility for you is that he will financially support the children so there will be security for them. You have to be tremendously grateful to him.
First drop anger – and then immediately you will start feeling that this man is a stranger and he is working hard, doing things. Your total concept about him will start changing – you will feel grateful, and when you feel grateful you will feel compassion for him… because why is he doing it? He is not happy, he is miserable, he is negative, he is not in love… still he is doing all these things. You need to feel compassion for him. And if you feel compassion, no anger; if you feel gratefulness, no anger, you will see a great change happening in him.
Suddenly his negativity will disappear, because there is no point, and suddenly he will start seeing that you have changed, you are not the same woman. There is a possibility that he may start responding in a new way, and who knows? – love can start flowing again.
Life is so mysterious…. Many times love goes underground and we think it has disappeared. It simply goes underground – just like the river nile, it simply goes underground – then again suddenly it is there, it has sprung above ground again!
Source: from Osho Book “This Is It”