Osho – First move as deeply into love as possible. Till then avoid having children, because children should come out of a tremendous love, otherwise not. You can give birth to ordinary children, who are just by-products of a physiological and biological meeting of man and woman, but they are anonymous.
When two people move higher and higher in love, and a point comes where their personalities are no longer separate and boundaries dissolve, then they give birth to children. Then the children come from a higher plane. They have a personality of love – they are not only by-products of sex.
They carry a deep harmony within them, and if you become aware, you can see whether the child is a by-product of a sexual meeting or a by-product of love. A different aura surrounds the child, a different vibration, because he has to carry that original quality of oneness.
When a child is born out of love you give something to the world. When a child is just from a sexual meeting, you simply over-populate the world; you don’t give anything. Remember also, that when you give birth to a child out of deep love? out of surrender and meditation, something is simultaneously born into you. You become a mother.
Every woman who gives birth to a child is not necessarily a mother; it is not enough just to give birth. To become a mother your own heart should have bloomed. There are many women who have given birth to children, but there are very few mothers. To be a mother is a rare harmony and a unique experience. This is my observation: that if a woman can become really motherly – she may give birth to a child or not, that is not the point – if she can become motherly, that is her enlightenment and none other is needed. That is her buddhahood.
So love first and don’t be worried about children, because then sooner or later you will start thinking about marriage. (laughter from the group) First love each other, and give each other total freedom. Don’t be possessed and don’t possess. Give the other full space to flower. Mm? Share as much as you can, and the sharing itself becomes a very very subtle possession which has no possessiveness about it; you are so certain of the other, you can trust.
Meditate, love, and one day when you feel that you are overflowing now, that you cannot contain it any longer and you would like a soul to carry your burden, your fulfillment, then give birth to a child, not before. One should wait till one has become perfectly grown up. The world would be so beautiful if people would wait for the right moment.
And it seems that you are dominated too much by your family… By and by one has to move away from the family. Not that you should not love them; this is how you can love them. It is the only way. It is just as when a child is born and he moves away from the mother, then one day he moves away from the breast.
Then he is ready one day to move to the neighbourhood to play, and then to school. One day he comes home and he is totally different from when he left; he has become grown up. When he falls in love with another woman, that is the furthest he will go from the mother. In fact the day the child chooses his or her partner, that day he is really born, he actually comes out of the womb. Before that, the womb surrounds him in a thousand and one ways.
Everybody has to come out of the family otherwise they will not become themselves; they will always remain immature. One has to understand that to come back one has to first go away. When you have become your own, an authentic being, then you can come back to the home. Then you can again love your father, your mother and your brothers. But now you are there to love them, and before you were not. How can you love when you are not?
This is the trouble – that the family dominates the child too much, and is always afraid that he will go too far away from them. So they force him, they try subtle ways to influence him, condition him. The child goes on resisting deep down, and because of that resistance he cannot love them, cannot really love them.
Only an independent person can love, and a family is fulfilled when a person has become grown up. So just listen to your heart. You are grown up, and whatsoever your heart says, risk.
Source: from Osho Book “Hammer on the Rock”