Just the other day I was reading a story. A male dinosaur was in great love with a female dinosaur. For ten thousand years he waited to say to her, “I love you.” Then for ten thousand years he courted her. Then for ten thousand years he said all the sweet things that lovers say to their beloveds. This way thirty thousand years passed. And then one day he said, “Darling, it is time: should we make love?”
And do you know what the female dinosaur said? She said, “I am having my decade!”
If this is so in the world of dinosaurs, what to say about God? Time scales are different.
A lovely young thing entered a doctor’s office on her lunch hour and addressed a handsome young man in a white coat. “I have had a pain in my shoulder for a week. Can you help me?” she asked.
“Lie down on this table,” he said, “and I will massage it for you.”
After a few minutes the beautiful patient exclaimed, “Doctor, that is not my shoulder!”
The young man smiled and replied, “No, and I am not a doctor either!”
Bernstein died and went to hell. The receptionist asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“Do I have a choice?” asked the surprised Bernstein.
“Certainly! This anteroom is surrounded by closed doors. Just listen at each one and decide which you want to enter.”
Bernstein listened at the first door and heard horrible shrieks of agony. He went to the second, then the third — always hearing screams, cries, and yells. Finally, at the seventh door, he heard nothing but gentle murmuring.
He said quickly, “I’ll take this one.”
The door was flung open and he was propelled inside. He found himself up to his lower lip in a vast sea of shit. With him were millions of others, standing on tiptoe, muttering, “Don’t make waves! Don’t make waves!”
Paddy and Maureen planned to get married, so they went to the doctor for a physical checkup. The doctor then tried to explain sex to them, but Paddy just listened with a dumb expression on his face. So the doctor took Maureen over to the examination table, made her lie down, and then made love to her. “Now do you understand?” said the physician.
“Yes,” said Paddy, “but how often do I have to bring her in?”