[At a previous darshan (see ’The Passion For The Impossible’, September 1 st), Osho had advised a couple to work on their relationship. The woman was jealous about the man being with other women. Now they report back to Osho. The woman says that before her energy was more with her man, now it is moving outside more… I’m afraid of becoming attracted to other people.]
Osho – There is nothing wrong in that – it is better than jealousy. It is better than jealousy, because there is nothing worse than jealousy: it is the worst poison. So do whatsoever you want to do but never be jealous. And this is one of the feminine tricks: they concentrate on one man, and they concentrate only to be jealous. So when I say to drop jealousy, then there is no point in concentrating on [your man].
The whole point was that you were enjoying the jealousy and the misery that was being created out of it for you and for him; now there is no point. You were in such a great love – you were thinking it was love, that’s why you were feeling jealousy. What I am trying to show you is that it is not love that feels jealousy. So when you drop jealousy and even love is disappearing… Just see what is happening. You were thinking it is because of love that the jealousy is there, and he was thinking that if the jealousy is dropped, your love will become pure.
And see what actually happens – you drop jealousy and love disappears. So your love was just a garb for your jealousy, a trick to be jealous. And that’s why you were not looking at other men, because if you look at other men you cannot torture him. Then you cannot say, ’Why do you look at other women…?’ because you yourself do it. Women play that trick perfectly. They will never look at any other man so you cannot find fault with them, you cannot find any flaw.
[Your man] cannot say, ’… you look at other people,’ so you can torture him. He is simply in your hands because he sometimes talks with a woman or laughs with a woman. So you can torture him and he feels guilty, you can create much guilt in him. This trick has been so ancient that it has destroyed much in humanity. If you want to torture a man, you have to be almost a saint; only then can you torture. That’s why saints can torture more than anyone else, because they are so good, you cannot find any fault. Their very goodness creates guilt in you.
And women have been very saintly. They pretend to be saintly, but in their saintliness, deep down is a very violent, aggressive attitude. I wanted you to see it because to see it is to get out of this whole nonsense, is to go beyond all this stupidity. Now when I say to drop your jealousy. the whole point is lost; the game is no more meaningful. Then why go on loving only [your boyfriend]? Start looking elsewhere.
Try to understand what is happening inside you. This way you will never be able to find love. You will get attached to another man and you will start torturing him. Either you will torture a man or you will become driftwood. This is something – try to understand it: either a woman becomes saintly or she becomes a prostitute… as if there were no middle course. And. as far as I can see, both are two aspects of the same coin.
If you love the man, drop jealousy and put your whole energy that is released by it into love; because jealousy is taking so much energy – put that energy into love. Looking at everybody is not going to give you any depth of being. I’m not saying to cling to [him]. If you feel there is no love, be finished. The sooner you finish, the better; why waste time? But you will repeat the same thing with everybody else.
You can go on repeating it your whole life and you will always feel miserable, because unless love happens, unless deep intimacy happens, a man is never content. For a woman particularly, it is impossible to feel happy unless she has a shelter of love, unless she can trust in a man, and unless she can feel that a man trusts in her. A woman is very fragile – she needs somebody to support her, to protect her – a woman is like a flower.
So first I told you to drop your jealousy. Now I tell you the second step – to love him as deeply as possible and not to start fooling around. This is a chance. You have done one thing – half the work is done – you dropped jealousy. Now if you miss, the whole point is lost. Dropping jealousy is not going to help, if with jealousy you have also dropped your love.
So for one month try another thing. This will be a great experiment for your life: now love him without jealousy. And this is not the time to wander around and to become a vagabond. Jealousy is dropped, the energy is there – now pour it into love, and something of a very different quality will arise in you. So for one month at least simply forget that anybody else exists in the world – only [him]. Pour your love into him and watch, because the moment you start pouring love, jealousy may come again.
That has to be watched – that’s the whole work to be done: love has to be taken beyond jealousy. The jealousy has to be dropped, discriminated from – love has to be made pure of jealousy. So you can do both things very easily: either you can love him and be jealous, or you can drop both. Both are easy and simple. In both ways you will not be growing. What I am insisting on is to drop jealousy and to go on loving. At least for one month give it a try. You will not lose anything by giving it a try and you will gain much.
This is a great chance to grow – love brings the greatest situations for growth. You have done one thing very well – you tried to drop jealousy. But now you are falling into another error. Do you follow me?
[To the man] Help her, mm? Help her, because she has done something beautiful. But it is natural when jealousy is dropped that immediately love starts disappearing. That is one of the dilemmas. So help her and don’t give her a chance to bring back her jealousy. Don’t give her a chance to look for love with somebody else. For one month at least, give your total love to her. This can be something meaningful, very meaningful for you both.
Source: from Osho Book “The Great Nothing”