Osho on difficulty in receiving love

[A therapist asks about his new relationship; that he finds it difficult to receive love, rather than to give it.]

Osho – Mm mm, the mind is very afraid of love, so you have to consciously drop those defenses, otherwise love will never happen. You can go on giving; giving is not difficult for the mind. The ego remains perfectly guarded. In fact it feels very good, enhanced, that you are giving love, sharing love; you have so much love to give. The problem arises only when you have to take it; somebody is giving and you have to receive it. When you become the receiving end, then the problem arises. When you are giving you have the upper hand.

When you are receiving you have to be humble, because only in deep humility can love be received. That’s the problem. The ego cannot allow itself to be humble, because in humility it disappears. So whenever I say, ’Love,’ people think they have to love, but that is only the beginning. The culmination comes only when you receive and when you allow others to love you. Then you are completely defenseless. Then you don’t know where you are going, what is happening to you.

So you will have to do it self-consciously, otherwise you will not be able to do it. You have to be consciously alert. And whenever you feel that you are blocking, somebody is giving and you are becoming hard, stiff, and not allowing lit in, relax. Say, ’Yes.’ Make ’yes’ your mantra. Whenever you see that something deep down is going stiff, hard, won’t allow any penetration, say yes and relax.

(to the girlfriend) And remember it, you have to help him. When you feel that he is defensive, make all the more effort to love him, because ordinarily this is how it happens. If the other feels that you are defensive, the other starts withdrawing because she feels that she is being rejected. So when you feel that he is defensive, don’t leave him. Just jump on him. Break all his barriers… be wild, so he will understand – ’Now [you are] being wild – I must be being defensive.’

(to the swami) So drop your defenses… just a little awareness. And go on reminding her that this is your block, she has to help you. And when somebody is hard, it is not necessaray that he is rejecting you. He is simply afraid. The greater possibility is that he is simply afraid.

Love is such a tremendous phenomenon, such a vital energy, that people are afraid; it is a whirlwind. It can take you… nobody knows. Where it will land you is not predictable. It is so wild that one thing is certain – that if you allow it, you will pass through a death. Something will be born out of you, but you don’t know that man. In zen, they call that man ’the man of no titles’, nameless. The bauls call that man ’the essential man’ – ’adhar manush’.

[You have] to drop to give space to the man of no titles, because vedanta is nothing but defenses. When all defenses are gone, you are gone. Then something is there but you cannot say that it is you. It is so vast, you cannot confine it to any name, to any form. Then the man of no titles is born. It is an essential man. It has nothing to do with you or with me, or with anybody else. It is our essential being… nameless, formless, without any adjectives. That’s why they call it ’without any titles’.

But that is your nature – and love is one of the greatest ways to come to it. So on your part, be alert, and [your girlfriend] will make it a point (to her) to force him. Whenever he is defensive, make it a challenge for yourself that you have to break this defense. Don’t think that you have to withdraw. Don’t think that you are rejected – no. In fact, the moment he becomes hard, he has become afraid of your love. He is not rejecting you – he is just functioning out of an old habit. So take the challenge and break the defense.

Source – Osho Book “Dance Your Way to God”

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