Question – I feel that i have been dishonest and insincere in all my relations throughout my life. yes, sir, i have not done justice to my parents, my wife, nor my children, nor my friends and neighbors, and so on. and now i feel i am not just and sincere to my master and my sannyas also. this is the cause of great agony to me, to my mind. what should i do?
Osho – If you start thinking in terms of doing, you will again be insincere because in whatsoever you have done, you have been insincere. Your doing has become corrupted. So the first thing is: resist doing! Just remain alert, alert to your insincerity. Don’t be in a haste to do anything because that will be done again by you; your whole past will be involved in your doing.
Resist! Just remain with this feeling that you have been insincere, that’s enough. It is purifying, it has a tremendous capacity to purify and cleanse you. Just remain with the feeling that “I have been insincere’: that “I am insincere” — and don’t try to do anything about it. That is again trying to create a good image of yourself: that you are not insincere, that you are a sincere man. Your ego is hurting because you have been insincere.
Try to be aware of the fact; don’t try to do anything about it. Anything that you do will be immature. It is too early. Just remain with the idea; live with it. Live with the idea that you are insincere. If you can live with it, the very idea, the very awareness, will kill your ego completely. The ego cannot remain alive if you think you are insincere. The ego needs a good image: that you are a sincere man — very honest. That’s what the ego is saying: “Do something so you can repaint the image, renovate the image.”
You have been insincere. This has been revealed to you through meditation. Now the ego is in danger of death. The ego says: do something. Through doing, it will try to again reclaim the fallen image, resettle with the old, so you can feel again that “lam good, I am beautiful. I am sincere, I am moral, I am this and that.”
The first thing — very difficult, arduous, but this has to be done: just remain alert to the insincerity. Look at the idea of it and don’t be bothered to change it. It will change of its own accord because once you understand that you are insincere, you cannot remain insincere. It is impossible; it has never happened. It cannot happen; the very thing is impossible. If you know that you are insincere, it will drop. So if you want it to stay, then do something to create the feeling that you are sincere.
If you know that you are a liar, the Lying will stop of its own accord. If you feel you are immoral, don’t try to do anything: don’t repent, don’t feel guilty — those are tricks. Remain with the idea: the naked fact of who you are. Don’t move, don’t get occupied in doing something. Remain naked, with the naked idea, the naked reality, and you will see a change is happening. Not by your doing….
And when a change comes to you not by your doing, it comes from God. Only God can make you moral, sincere; only God can make you religious; only God can make you pure. It is PRASAD, it is His gift; you cannot do it. All your doing will be an undoing. Please, remind yourself again and again that you are not to do anything.
You say, “This is the cause of great agony to my mind.’! Yes, it is a great cause of agony to your mind and to the ego — which is the same: mind or ego — because the ego feels hurt. YOU — and insincere? You had always believed that you were a very sincere man, you had always believed that you were a pinnacle of a man: a crescendo of humanity, the purest gold. You had always believed that.
Now meditation has broken a window into the falseness. You have been able to look into yourself: the reality. You have come across a mirror. Now don’t try to escape from it, remain with the fact. Whosoever you are — that is your reality. Remain with the fact. If you can remain with the fact, you will change. But that change will not be your doing, it will happen.
When a transformation comes to you, it has a totally different grace. Whatsoever you do will always be tiny, mediocre and finally useless. Whatsoever God does to you is infinite. Only that can be infinite which comes from the infinite.
Don’t try to do anything. Accept the fact, remain with it, relax, and suddenly there will come a transformation.
I teach sudden transformation, and I teach transformation by God, not by you. You are just to allow Him. That is all you have to do on your part. Open the door, wait. Just open the door — that much you have to do. Allow… so that when He knocks at the door you can welcome Him, when He comes you can recognize Him, when He comes you can call Him in. Just don’t sit with closed doors, that’s all. Meditation is nothing but that: opening the door.
Meditation will not give you enlightenment, remember. No technique can ever give you enlightenment; enlightenment is not technical. Meditation can only prepare the ground. meditation can only open the door. Meditation can only do something negatively; the positive will come. Once you are ready, it always comes. Please don’t try to do anything. Just be.
Source – Osho Book “Come Follow To You, Vol 1″