Question – I have controlled and disciplined my sex life for years, But i am still much too interested in it. why?
Osho – That’s why. It is so simple, so obvious. You have remained obsessed with it — otherwise why control it? Why repress it? What is control except repression?
You became too attached to it; it was an attachment. And as time has passed, the attachment has deepened. Of course your attachment is negative, hence the question. Because you have been against it, you thin, “Why am I still interested?”
In fact if you are negatively attached to something, your attachment will go on deepening as time passes; it will never end. If you are positively attached, there is a possibility of its ending, because experience liberates. I you had known sex, by now you would have been finished with it, because it is childish; it does not have the power that negative attachment creates.
Sex in itself is not that powerful. It appears very powerful, because we have been taught to be against it: our antagonism gives it power. And the more you ar against it, the less experienced you are about it, the more the desire arises to experience it.
In fact, monks remain interested in sex to the very end: they die thinking of sex and nothing else — it is a simple psychological truth. But the question arises because we only think of positive attachment as attachment.
Attachment has two forms, positive and negative. And the negative is far deeper than the positive, because there is no way to end the negative attachment. The positive attachment will wear, wither. You have known sex and its experience: slowly slowly, you start understanding that there is nothing in it, that it is a biological urge, that it gives you nothing much. Slowly slowly, it dawns upon your consciousness that it is a futile repetition.
And I am not saying to think that it is a futile repetition. If you think without understanding, that thinking will be repression; that will be negative attachment. I am not saying to judge it; the judgment arises on its own.
But when you are negatively attached to something, you go on escaping from it. When will you experience it? And the more you escape, the more the urge remains fresh, young. And the more you repress it, the deeper it goes into your unconscious and grips you at the roots. From the leaves it moves to the roots. From the leaves there was a possibility of evaporating, because the leaf was exposed to the sun, to experience, to life. Once it has reached your roots underground, now there is no way for it to evaporate.
Attachment is the sine wave of ‘submission — resistance’. When you submit to something or resist something, or hate something, or identify with something, you are attached to it. Remember, saying yes is an attachment: submission. Saying no is an attachment: resistance. And the second attachment is far deeper.
That’s why friendships are not as great as enmities. Friendships are so-so, lukewarm. Enmities are very passionate, very hot. Enmities live long, for years; there seems to be no way to end an enmity. Friendship withers. You are asking, “Why am I still interested?” You will remain interested to the very end.
Drop your resistance, drop the negative attachment, go into the experience of sex. Don’t be afraid, there is nothing to be afraid of. It is not so important that you need to be afraid of it; by becoming afraid, you are making it something big. It is not such a big deal, it is a small biological phenomenon.
Priests have magnified it very much. The whole responsibility goes to the priests: they have made the whole of humanity sexual, utterly sexual. Without the priest there would be no pornography in the world, without the priest there would be no prostitutes in the world, without priests there would be no obscenity in the world. They are the root causes.
But it is very difficult to see he point, because they are against all these things — if you listen to their words, they are against them. Naturally you think if people are against something, how can they be the source of it? But they are the source. By being against, they are creating great interest, great attraction. Just let priests disappear and you will be surprised: sexuality will disappear. Sex will be there, but sex is a small thing; sexuality is a magnified obsession.
The late Dr. Kinsey was questioning a group of men about the number of times they had sex relations with members of the opposite sex. In response to his question, a group of men raised their hands to indicate that they had sex every night. Then some said they had relations ten times a month. A small group said they only did it about four times a month.
Finally, every man in the room had been accounted for except one man who was sitting in the corner. Dr. Kinsey moved closer to him. “All right. How many of you have sex relations only once a year?”
“Me! Me!” the man piped up, waving his hand wildly and wearing an ear-to-ear smile.
“Fine,” said Dr. Kinsey. “But why are you so happy about it?”
“Because tonight’s the night!” the man explained with glee. “Tonight’s the night!”
Now, if you repress for one year, this is natural. How many years have you been controlling your sex? Even an ear-to-ear smile won’t do — your smile will spread from your toes to your head.
Please don’t control, because all control means control by the ego. I teach you uncontrol: remain natural. Control makes you unnatural, artificial, arbitrary. Remain natural. Control makes you unnatural, artificial, arbitrary. Remain natural, relax. Whatsoever God has given to you — sex, love, whatsoever — accept it as a gift. And go into it, go into it meditatively, go into it very consciously, so that you can see what it is, so that you can learn something from it.
And one day sex disappears. And that day is of great importance, because that day you are biologically free. That freedom is not attained through control; that freedom is attained through understanding, awareness, witnessing.
Source – Osho Book “Unio Mystica, Vol2”