[A woman sannyasin says: I’m miserable. I want to keep being cuddled by a woman and I’m not getting it. I keep withdrawing from everything around me.]
Osho – You have to learn to give. You only ask – and that creates the trouble. It is not a question of man or woman; whomsoever you love, you have to learn to give. Your whole energy seems to demand. And then the other will withdraw, because the other will feel exploited. The other is also there to get, and you just ask and ask. Start giving more. You will get, but one gets only by giving; that’s where you have gone wrong.
And that’s why you changed from man to woman: it is changing from father to mother. Mothers are more giving. So deep down you have this memory in your body cells that the mothers are more giving, you can demand more from mothers. Hence you have changed from man to woman, thinking that women will give you more. But nobody is your mother and you will not find your mother again. And nobody wants a child – people want a grown-up person to love. So you have to learn it, and once you learn it you will change from women to men again.
Once you start giving, then there is no point in going on hankering for women; you can love men. But with men this has been the problem. You understand me? Men are also very asking. They have learned their love from the mother; their first experience of love was from the mother, so even if they are husbands, deep down unconsciously they go on asking of the woman, the wife, the girlfriend, that she be their mother. They go on asking. And the women are more giving than men. Seeing this, maybe unconsciously, you moved from men to women because with women you will be getting more. But nobody is going to give you more. You will have to put love out first – only then will it come back to you.
You can’t get it without giving it, so start giving. Just for three months, forget about getting; don’t ask. Even if the desire comes with great urge, give. And give to as many people as possible – to men, to women, give, just go on giving. Be a spendthrift. And love is such a richness that you cannot exhaust it; it is inexhaustible. You can give as much as you want – nothing is lost; in fact you gain by giving.
For three months make it a point – this is your meditation for three months: give love and don’t ask at all. If it comes unasked, receive it with great joy, gratitude, but don’t take it for granted and don’t ask. If it comes on its own, welcome it with a thankful heart. The person who always desires, never thanks; he always complains.
So for three months change the whole pattern: give as much as you can. And after three months tell me how you are feeling, mm? Your misery will disappear – not only that: your interest in women will disappear and your interest in men will come back. And that is more natural. For three months give it a try and then remind me. Everything will be put right.
Source – Osho Book “Don’t Look Before You Leap”