Question – BELOVED MASTER, WHY DO I ALWAYS GET SEXUALLY EXCITED WHEN I SEE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?
Osho – Nanda Kishor, the first thing is that you are an Indian. It is very difficult for an Indian not to get excited when he sees a beautiful woman. Long long repression… your unconscious is full of repressions so you don’t miss any opportunity. Of course you don’t show it. It is courageous of you that you have asked the question. Nothing is wrong in being sexually excited by seeing a beautiful woman. You are simply paying a compliment to her, that’s all. You are saying she is beautiful and attractive.
In a more understanding world you will simply go to the woman and thank her and she will accept your compliment with gratitude. If a woman passes and nobody gets excited about her, nobody ever, that is really a miserable thing to go through.
I was a professor in a university for a few years. One day it happened: I was sitting in the vice-chancellor’s room. A girl came, she was crying and weeping and she said that one boy was continually teasing her. He was throwing small stones at her, writing love letters to her.
The vice-chancellor was, of course, very angry. I was sitting there so he told me, “Can you help this girl? Can you console her?”
I asked the girl, “If nobody ever teased you and nobody ever wrote a love letter and nobody threw pebbles at you, would that be right? Would you be happy?”
Her tears disappeared. For a moment she was shocked. Then she said, “I have never thought of it in that way.”
I said, “That will be real misery! This simply shows that somebody is interested in you. Go to him and thank him! Nothing is wrong in it. He is simply a little foolish; he does not know how to pay compliments to a beautiful girl. Send the boy to me and I will teach him a few things! He needs a little tuition — he has no intuition. And you need not be worried and you need not be crying: this is natural!”
You are, Nanda Kishor, one of the species of animals. Man is an animal unless he becomes a buddha. If you become a buddha and then you are excited by seeing a beautiful woman, come and ask the question. Then it will be something worth asking because then it will be a problem. But you are not a buddha — so meanwhile enjoy! Once you become a buddha, then I cannot help — nobody can help. Then even if you want to get down, there is no way.
It is an animal instinct, as much in animals as in human beings. Yes, it has to be transcended, but by repression you cannot transcend. Accept it. Acceptance is the first step towards transcendence. And don’t feel guilty about it — it is not a sin. When you see a beautiful sunset you don’t feel any guilt. When you see a beautiful flower and you are attracted you don’t feel any guilt. When you see a beautiful face of a man or a woman, why should you feel guilty if you are attracted, if you want to look back, if you want to go close and have a closer look? Why should you feel guilty about it? But that’s how you have been taught for centuries.
If you go closer to the woman, the woman will start shouting for the police and you will start finding excuses. Nobody looks into each other’s eyes. It is thought to be offensive. Even if you want to look into some beautiful eyes you cannot. Only three seconds is allowed. How all over the world people have come to agree on three seconds is something mysterious. Just for three seconds you can look at somebody and the other will not be offended. If you look more than that, the other feels offended.
Maybe there is a reason. You don’t know how to look at the other; you don’t know how to look gracefully. Maybe your look is ugly — and it is bound to be ugly if you are carrying much repressed sexuality. Your look will be pornographic. Deep down in your imagination you will be undressing the woman, and she feels offended. Who are you to undress her even in your fancy? Your look is ugly; it looks as if you are penetrating her being, as if you have found a substitute for sexual penetration through the eyes. You are reducing her into a thing, and nobody wants to be reduced into a thing. Your look has no respect in it. If your look has respect, if your excitement has beauty, grace, there is no problem.
Yes, it has to be transcended one day because this is also a duality — man/woman — the same duality as between positive and negative, birth and death, summer and winter. It has to be transcended. One has to come to a point from where nothing disturbs your coolness, nothing distracts you from your center.
But the way to come to it is not repression, Nanda Kishor. The first step is acceptance: it is natural. Accept it as part of your nature, as part of your biology. And then try to understand it, watch it, observe it, witness it. Slowly slowly, as your witnessing will grow, you will go beyond it. One day you will not find any difference between a man and a woman: you have gone beyond sexuality. That is true BRAHMACHARYA, true celibacy, but it is not what has been told to you.
In the name of celibacy, sex has been repressed for centuries and you have become just full of sexuality. Rather than transcending it you are boiling within. In order to find out whether his wife was cheating on him, a man bought a parrot. The parrot was an amazing bird, but in a fight had lost both legs and had to balance itself on its pelvis.
One day the man questioned the parrot and found out that his wife was, in fact, cheating on him. Quickly he asked the parrot, “What happened?”
The parrot said, “First your wife was kissing a strange man, and then she started to take off her clothes….”
“And then?” interrupted the man.
“And then they both got on the bed….”
“And then?” cried the man.
“Then she pulled on the blankets….”
“And then, and then?”
“I don’t know,” said the parrot. “I fell over!”
Enough for today.